Officer Willoughby was suffering from cancer, he was on the last stages of his disease! He decide to kill himself to end the pain he is suffering from. “My darling Anne” is the letter he decided to write to his wife before his death.
My Darling Anne,
There’s a longer letter in the dresser drawer I’ve been writing for the last week or so.
That one covers us, and my memories of us, and how much I’ve always loved you.
This one just covers tonight, and more importantly, today.
Tonight I have gone out to the horses to end it.
I cannot say sorry for the act itself, although I know that for a short time you will be angry at me or even hate me for it.
This is not a case of “I came in this world alone, and I’m going out of it alone” or anything dumb like that.
I did not come in this world alone, my mom was there, and I am not going out of it alone, cause you were there, drunk on the couch, making Oscar Wilde cock jokes.
No. This is a case in some senses, of bravery.
Not the bravery of facing a bullet down; the next few months of pain would be far harder than that small flesh.
No, it's the bravery of weighing up the next few months of still being with you, still waking up with you, of playing with the kids, against the next few months of seeing in your eyes how much my pain is killing you; how my weakened body as it ebbs away and you tend to it are your final and lasting memories of me.
I won’t have that.
Your final memories of me will be us at the riverside, and that dumb fishing game which I think they cheated at, and me inside of you, and you on top of me, and barely a fleeting thought of the darkness yet to come.
That was the best, Anne.
A whole day of not thinking about it.
Dwell on this day, baby, cause it was the best day of my life.
Kiss the girls for me, and know that I’ve always loved you, and maybe I’ll see you again if there’s another place.
And if there ain’t, well, it’s been Heaven knowing you.